Gregory, the clipboard-wielding tyrant of our HOA, had no idea what he was getting himself into when he slapped me with a fine for letting my grass grow half an inch too long.

If he wanted a battle, I’d give him one by creating a lawn so outrageous, yet flawlessly within the rules, that he’d wish he’d never started this fight.

For more than two decades, my neighborhood was the sort of place where people could sit on their porches with a cup of tea, wave to the mailman, and exchange a friendly nod with whoever walked their dog down the street. Things weren’t perfect, but they were calm. Predictable. Peaceful.

That was before Gregory Mayfield got his hands on the HOA presidency.

Gregory. Where do I even begin? He’s the type of man who probably irons his socks, wears polos with the collars perpetually popped, and believes his clipboard is a symbol of divine authority. Mid-fifties, perpetually squinting, and about as approachable as a tax auditor, Gregory strutted around like the neighborhood was his personal kingdom.

And unfortunately for me, I happened to live in his kingdom.

Now, I’ve lived in this house for twenty-five years. I raised three kids here, buried my husband here, and planted every single flower in this garden myself. I learned a long time ago that life throws plenty of nonsense at you, and the only way through is to laugh, bend the rules when you can, and never—never—let someone like Gregory Mayfield push you around.