Dad always insisted on the same thing: “You smell awful, go take a cold shower. Here’s the soap – only this.” I followed his instructions without asking questions. The cold water cut my skin, and the smell of that piece was so strong that I felt dizzy.

With each passing day, I felt worse: weakness, dry skin, sleepless nights… Mom remained silent. She was always silent, which was strange – we used to share everything with each other.

I washed myself three times a day, but my father kept saying that I still smelled bad.

One evening, my boyfriend came over. I couldn’t take it anymore and asked:

— Tell me honestly… do I smell bad?

He laughed, thinking it was a joke, but seeing my serious face, he said no. Finally, I told him what was going on at home. Moments later, he went into the bathroom and came back pale as a wall, trembling, holding a piece of soap.

— Who gave you this?! — his voice trembled.

— Dad… What?

He held his head in his hands:

— This is not soap! Why did you wash with this? This is… 

— It’s used to treat and repel pests. It’s an industrial product, not intended for humans!

The world blurred before my eyes.

— What do you mean?.. — the words got stuck in my throat.

He carefully turned the soap in his hands, showing the small print on the back of the packaging.

— Look. Black on white: “Pesticide treatment.” No wonder you feel sick.

I sank to the edge of the cold bathtub, its tiled surface seemed to pull me to the ground. My heart was pounding so loudly I could barely hear his words.

Anger, betrayal, fear – everything mixed inside me into one knot. Why did my dad make me use this? Why was mom silent?

My boyfriend sat down next to me and gently wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

— We’ll fix this, do you hear? — he said quietly. — You’ll never use this again. I’ll find out everything.

But his gaze said more than words. There was concern… and something else. He clearly knew more than he was saying.